My name is Nic Wildes (they/them) and I am Co-Director of SAYFTEE and a Certified IFS therapist and consultant.
In my ongoing quest to increase gender competence in the IFS community, I recently had the opportunity to be a guest on Tammy Sollenberger’s The One Inside Podcast to talk about my experience with gender identity and Internal Family Systems. I’d love for you to take a listen at the link below, and if IFS is new to you, you may find this blog post a helpful precursor to the podcast. Thanks for being here and I hope this is helpful!
IFS (Internal Family Systems) is a therapeutic approach to coping and healing that SAYFTEE endorses and utilizes.
It posits the following:
Multiplicity of the mind is normal
“Parts” refer to thoughts/feelings/physical sensations/images and can enact behavior
Parts are in-service of protection and are not pathological (e.g. anger is an emotion we want to get to know, anxiety as a purpose we want to get curious about, depression has information about our environment that may need validation and support, etc.)
Parts carry burdens as a result of harm that has happened and not been healed
Healing is the capacity to welcome “all” parts from a grounded and open hearted place
We all have a core “Self” that is undamaged and capable of facilitating healing
People are capable of reducing depression and anxiety, as well as using anger in healthy ways, when they can learn how to be in-relationship to parts and unburden the harm that has happened
“Interventions” that can help unburdening, include curiosity, compassion, connection, courage, clarity, creativity, calm, and confidence
How does IFS provide a framework for gender exploration?
I began asking this question when I entered into the IFS community in 2015. I was interested in how a gender affirming stance would intersect with the IFS concepts of parts and Self. Intuitively calling gender identity a part did not feel accurate to my personal experience as my gender feels much more central to my core Self. By exploring this idea further in my personal work, my clinical work, with peers and colleagues, I began to hear others experience their gender in the same way. What seemed to emerge was that gender identity is a core aspect of Self, and parts then organize around this. Depending on one’s assigned sex at birth, family, culture and socialization parts internalize messages about what it means to be a particular gender. This can then lead to burdens, biases and beliefs that impact how one expresses or shares their experience of gender. Using IFS, one can begin to develop relationships with the parts carrying these beliefs and with compassion offer them a path toward more freedom to embrace their most authentic Self.
Enjoy the podcast, and feel free to reach out to me with feedback - nic@sayftee.com
Check out the IFS-Institute if you’d like to learn more, and/or talk with your therapist if you think you could benefit from IFS.